What is Self-Inquiry?
Self-inquiry is the practice of turning inward to explore your own thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and patterns, cultivating deeper self-awareness. It involves asking meaningful questions to better understand who you truly are, why you behave in certain ways, and how your inner experiences shape your relationships and overall well-being.
Rather than seeking answers externally, self-inquiry encourages reflection and openness, empowering you to recognize unconscious patterns and beliefs that may be limiting your growth and connection with others.
Self-Inquiry Includes:
- Mindfulness and curiosity about your emotional reactions and behaviors.
- Reflection on personal beliefs and their origins.
- Awareness of patterns in relationships, intimacy, and communication.
- Exploring desires and fears to gain clarity on what genuinely matters to you.
In the PolyTantric Method, self-inquiry is foundational—guiding you toward authentic intimacy, empowered relationships, and personal fulfillment through greater self-understanding.
Self-Inquiry: The Hilariously Awkward Art of Meeting Yourself
Have you ever caught yourself mid-argument with a friend or partner, passionately defending your point, only to realize halfway through that you don't even fully believe what you're saying? Welcome to the wonderfully weird world of self-inquiry—the practice of meeting, greeting, and (sometimes reluctantly) getting to know yourself a bit better.
Think of self-inquiry as being stuck in an elevator with yourself: at first, there's that awkward silence, the polite nod, maybe a forced "how's your day going?" before inevitably realizing you have nowhere else to go, so you might as well strike up a real conversation.
So, What Exactly Is Self-Inquiry?
Self-inquiry is essentially a conversation with yourself, but instead of debating what to have for dinner or if those shoes really match your outfit (hint: they probably do), you’re asking deeper questions. It's a playful and curious exploration of your thoughts, feelings, reactions, and beliefs—especially the ones lurking just beneath your usual awareness.
Example Time: Meet Jane (or Maybe Yourself)
Picture Jane. Jane just snapped at her partner for leaving a wet towel on the bathroom floor for the millionth time. Now, she could just move on, chalk it up to frustration, and binge-watch something on Netflix to cool off. But tonight, Jane’s feeling adventurous (or just bored enough) to try some self-inquiry.
Jane: "Okay, Self, why exactly did that towel trigger World War III in my bathroom?"
Self: "Well, because it means they don't respect my space!"
Jane: "Does it really? Or am I projecting something else onto the poor towel?"
Self: (sigh) "Fine. Maybe it's because I feel taken for granted sometimes. Like I'm always cleaning up after everyone."
Jane: "Ouch. That feels closer to home. But is that feeling really about the towel, or is something deeper bothering me?"
Self: "Honestly? I'm stressed about work, and I'm feeling overwhelmed in general. The towel was just the final straw."
Jane, now laughing at herself for almost declaring martial law over terrycloth, realizes something important: it was never about the towel.
The Benefits of Talking to Yourself (No, You're Not Crazy)
Regularly engaging in self-inquiry helps you:
- Gain emotional clarity
- Understand your triggers
- Communicate better in relationships
- Develop compassion for yourself (and your towel-dropping partner)
- Live more authentically by aligning actions with your true feelings and values
How to Start Self-Inquiry (Without Making It Weird)
- Pause and Reflect: Notice when you're upset or confused. Instead of reacting immediately, take a deep breath.
- Ask Yourself (With Humor): "What's really going on here, friend?" Curiosity, not criticism, is key.
- Listen and Be Honest: Give yourself space to answer without judgment. Even if the truth sounds silly or uncomfortable.
Final Thoughts: Go Ahead, Embrace the Awkwardness
Yes, self-inquiry can feel a bit odd—like talking out loud when no one's there. But that's the fun of it. You’re allowed to laugh at yourself, cringe at yourself, and ultimately discover yourself. Because let's face it, getting to know the real you might just be the best relationship you ever build.
So next time a rogue towel appears or someone pushes your buttons, take a moment to check in with yourself. Who knows? You might just find clarity, compassion, and a good laugh waiting in that conversation.